An Unpopular Opinion About Classroom Management

First, a few truths I would like to acknowledge:

1.) Relationships are the cornerstone of quality teaching.
2.) Children of color are disproportionately punished in our schools, and that is not okay.
3.) Severe punishments, especially when used as a first resort, are not usually effective.

Keeping all of that in mind, I'd like to express an unpopular opinion: in some circumstances, raised voices and punitive measures are okay and necessary. 

All the time? No. As a first response? Of course not. But I'm seeing a growing number of people on Twitter in particular arguing that we should never under any circumstances employ these practices, replacing them instead with restorative circles, letter writing, journaling, helping out adults in the building, etc. I'm not a "tough love" teacher. I have worked my hardest to implement restorative justice and positive interventions this year, and what I've found is that this works perfectly for about two-thirds of my students. For the other third, it makes no difference at all. Somewhere along the line of this well-intentioned philosophy of compassion and understanding, we've forgotten that all students are different and respond to different strategies.

Take, for example, my older brother. While I was not alive for his early years, my mom talks about it often. Having lived a punitive childhood herself, my mom was determined to take the gentle approach with the two of us. However, what she quickly learned is that my brother simply did not think she really meant it unless she was screaming. (I, on the other hand, would usually burst into tears if you looked at me funny.) Same upbringing, radically different responses.

I am seeing a lot of the same in my students. For whatever reason, (upbringing, brain chemistry, some babysitter they had once that looked like me, I don't know) a large proportion of my students just don't think I really mean it if there is not yelling or a traditional punishment attached. (If this is the part where you start asking yourself if I've tried x, y, or z strategy instead, yes. I've tried it. More than once.) Despite that, I persevered. I kept speaking to them privately and quietly, validating their feelings, asking them what they thought needed to be done to repair our classroom community. But over time, I started to see troubling things in my students' journals. Frustrated kids writing how they hate how teachers "allow" students to disrespect them, not understanding why kids are "getting away" with certain behaviors. Of course, these students weren't getting away with anything. The consequences simply look different from what they are accustomed to. But that's not the message the rest of the class is receiving, and the consequence is that some of them are trying to test what they, too, can "get away" with.

The fact of the matter is that some of my students do not speak this language yet. I imagine they won't until this idea filters into most homes and classrooms. Am I going to abandon restorative justice and trauma-sensitive practices? No. But I'm also not going to feel bad for occasionally making my anger known to the entire class. I'm not going to feel bad for assigning a student a detention when repeated letters, discussions, and calls home have been ineffective. And I'm not going to feel bad for letting a kid get a little embarrassed by being in trouble. Embarrassment exists for a reason. It helps us understand when we've messed up and violated the standards of our community. It helps us realize we've make a mistake, fix it, and move on.

I'm not calling for this practice to be abandoned. I think it's a great thing! But we have got to stop teacher-shaming each other and recognize that all students are different. There is (almost) no room for "never" or "always" when you work with humans, and we should acknowledge that.